Tom, I've been feeling for the past three days, that you're trying to tell me something or guide me somewhere. Others may think I'm crazy but I definitely know you're with me. Maybe you just want to be with me, that's cool cause I miss you so much. Tom there was a reason we were in each other's life even though brief as it was; some people don't understand why I can't get over you, I'm not sure myself but I think about you everyday still. I haven't played my drums in a long time, well just a little; there's little inspiration in my heart right now. I bought them a year ago today on St. Patrick's Day. Damn Tom I miss you so much, I wish your arms were around me to get me through what's been going on in my life. My thoughts have been on maxing out my credit cards in cash, change my identity and go somewhere far away. If anyone reads this, I'm not going to do that but it would be great to be Mrs. Irresponsible for a while. Tom, I called your family a little over a week ago, Jack said your Mom's not doing so well, she doesn't get out of bed much at all anymore. I'm glad I keep in touch but your kids still haven't contacted your family yet. I know that is sad, I gave Jack and Mary a phone number, which I thought was your ex-wife's number. Your ex called me on the day of your funeral and flipped out on me, accusing me of taking stuff out of your apartment and saying I had no right to say that I was your fiancé' and that she was keeping your ashes and that you two were planning on getting back together. Babe I know that wasn't true at all, especially since she felt compelled to ask you for money for gas in her car and then showed up with her boy-toy and ended up doing a line of blow in front of both of us. I know you wanted me to put your ashes in a Heinekens bottle and throw you in Lake Erie but I wasn’t about to fight the psychopath for your ashes so I put a picture of you and a picture of you and me and put them in a Heinekens bottle and threw it in the Lake. If you can see this, there’s a picture of the place where I threw you; the picture says “just before the storm”. You told me stuff Katrina did to you that made you want to give up on life while you were married. Maybe that's why your kids haven't contacted your family, I know your family really really really doesn't like Katrina, but I think your family and your kids should contact each other. Your brother Jack said he didn't want to call that number and thought Tommy was old enough to decide if he should contact them or not. Yes, Tommy is 24 but I didn’t know what to say about that at all, it makes me sad though. Tom, I love you and miss you and wish my heart didn’t feel like this so much. Sometimes when I can’t think through a problem, thoughts of you are there instead, I guess that’s why I feel like you’ve been trying to tell me something lately, I know you're here with me.